As I famous when it was first announced, the CW’s reboot of Walker, Texas Ranger has some awfully huge boots to fill, earlier than it makes use of these boots to stomp somewhat justice into someone’s brow. It’s not simply the absence of Chuck Norris because the two-fisted, mono-bearded Texas Ranger who dispatched drug cartels whereas meting out searing social commentary, with sufficient vitality left over to wrestle a bear (twice). From its very conception, this “reimagining” starring San Antonio native Jared Padalecki has lacked one thing much more important—specifically the understanding that Walker, Texas Ranger was at all times an especially foolish present, an absurdist proto-meme of a sequence that turned slow-motion ass-kicking into surrealist artwork, and at one level had Norris fly around on a jetpack. As an alternative, this new Walker is a deathly critical bid for status drama, a narrative of a damaged widower desperately making an attempt to reconnect together with his estranged household, whereas being plagued by his spouse’s mysterious dying. This Walker’s “jet pack” is sorrow. The one factor he wrestles are his feelings.
Granted, there’s most likely nonetheless time to kick somebody by way of a window, even whenever you’re busy mourning the love of your life; that’s most likely someplace between “anger” and “bargaining” on the Kübler-Ross mannequin of grief. However you positively gained’t see a lot of that within the first-look trailers that the community shared this week. Aside from a scene the place Padalecki (er, his stunt double) lassoes a legal whereas on horseback, it’s a surprisingly teary, dismayingly action-deprived affair that largely finds everybody in Austin lining as much as remind Walker, Texas Weeper that his spouse is lifeless. Sure sir, this ain’t your daddy’s Walker, Texas Ranger! Until your dad is a profoundly unhappy man.
Robert Rodriguez Readies Feminine-Led Zorro
For many who like their motion with a bit much less pathos and much more weapons, Austin’s personal Robert Rodriguez is about to revive one other Western pulp legend with his contemporary take on Zorro, which he’s readying for NBC. Rodriguez will coproduce and cowrite the sequence together with his sister Rebecca, who’s additionally set to direct, centering their up to date tackle a feminine protagonist named Sola Dominguez. The character is described as an “underground artist” who adopts the legendary Zorro title whereas utilizing it to struggle for “social justice.” Presumably she is understood solely by her telltale Z-shaped slash of scolding tweets, which villagers uncover has been carved into their Twitter feeds. Zorro is being government produced by Rodriguez’s Machete star Sofia Vergara, information that has already spurred a few retailers to declare that Vergara might be starring because the stealthy, shadowy girl who stays a thriller to all who encounter her. Though that will recommend they’ve neither seen nor heard Sofia Vergara.
Noah Hawley Bringing Alien to Tv
Padelecki and Rodriguez aren’t the one Austinites who’re bringing residence the mental property bacon today. Native filmmaker Noah Hawley is about to deliver the venerable Alien franchise to the small display for FX, with director Ridley Scott on board to government produce his sci-fi sequence’s first foray into tv. Due to Hawley’s adaptation of Fargo, he’s grow to be near-singlehandedly answerable for folks like me now not having the ability to assume out of hand that each TV remake of a well-liked movie can be pandering rubbish, and he’s additionally grow to be the go-to man for injecting some sudden status into what would in any other case seem to be one other soulless remake—even just lately coming very near taking the reins on Star Trek. So whereas we all know little about his Alien sequence—apart from that, per Variety, it’s the primary within the franchise to be set on Earth and it’s a “scary thrill journey”—we are able to safely assume that will probably be unexpectedly engrossing, visually dazzling, and much better than each Alien vs. Predator motion pictures.
Kacey Musgraves Heads to Sesame Avenue and Studio Ghibli
Golden native Kacey Musgraves is one among nation music’s true crossover stars—interesting equally to followers of Willie Nelson and Katy Perry, at residence duetting with each Dierks Bentley and the Flaming Lips. And extra just lately, she’s been angling to broaden that multi-quadrant attraction by locking down the little-kid viewers: Sizzling on the heels of her guest role on Scooby-Doo, Musgraves is about to get animated once more for the upcoming Studio Ghibli film Earwig and the Witch (the place she’ll voice Earwig’s mom), then drop by an episode of Sesame Avenue. Musgraves posted some set images from the latter this week on Twitter, the place she shared her finest Oscar the Grouch and blended it up with Massive Chook, the Rely, Elmo, et al., all earlier than jetting off to search out the final untapped demographic she’s but to win over. Perhaps lifeless folks? Even corpses would most likely dig Golden Hour.
Jessica Simpson’s Life to Turn into a TV Present (Once more)
The renaissance of Jessica Simpson (the Simpsonaissance? the Jessicanaissance?) is about to proceed with an adaptation of the memoir that kicked all of it off. Deadline stories that Amazon is growing a number of initiatives based mostly across the Dallas star’s 2020 tell-all Open Ebook, starting with a docuseries that may cowl Simpson’s singing profession, journey by way of her struggles with habit and sobriety, and rejoice her present position as a billionaire enterprise mogul and one who may purchase and promote you only for making one other “chicken of the sea” joke. On the similar time, the Amazon-owned IMDb TV will even air a barely fictionalized drama based mostly on Simpson’s twenties, when the early rush of pop stardom and reality-TV fame gave option to divorce, relationship John Mayer, and (in accordance with some) ruining the Dallas Cowboys. There’s no telling how a lot of that stuff will really make it in there, thoughts—although Simpson actually wasn’t shy about spilling the dust in print.
Kelly Clarkson’s Discuss Present Renewed By 2023
Burleson’s personal Kelly Clarkson will stay a fixture of your dentist’s ready room for no less than the subsequent two years, with NBCUniversal granting a two-year renewal to her eponymous chat fest, The Kelly Clarkson Present. The daytime sequence at the moment airs in each market throughout the nation, and it held onto its huge recognition this yr by making the dangerous choice to maintain churning out new episodes throughout the COVID shutdowns, with Clarkson filming remotely from quarantine in her Montana cabin. (It additionally most likely didn’t harm that her greatest competitor, Ellen DeGeneres, was revealed to be a sociopathic monster.) Since returning to her studio within the fall, Clarkson has saved the pandemic social gathering going by bringing in a digital viewers, an innovation that gave us the eminently time capsule–worthy viral second of a bunch of Zoomed-in living passport photos awkwardly couch-dancing to Vin Diesel’s new pop song. Hopefully by 2023, Clarkson could have lengthy since welcomed actual, flesh-and-blood followers again into her life, and Vin Diesel could have gotten all that music stuff out of his system.
It’s Over for the Lizzie McGuire Reboot
Like a precocious tween who blossoms right into a assured grownup, solely to be instructed by a media company that she’s not allowed to have intercourse, it’s time for us to develop up and face sobering actuality: that reboot of Lizzie McGuire simply isn’t occurring. Hilary Duff confirmed the information this week in a statement posted to Instagram, reiterating, “I need any reboot of Lizzie to be trustworthy and genuine to who Lizzie could be right this moment”—a stance that, as previously reported, runs counter to Disney’s perception that right this moment’s Lizzie would completely be a thirty-year-old virgin, endlessly locked contained in the chastity belt of her overalls. Disney was noticeably extra sanguine in its personal assertion, saying solely that it was holding off rebooting the present for now, maybe till the Houston star is keen to play Lizzie as an genuine, seventy-year-old spinster.
Alan Tudyk Goes Extraterrestrial in Resident Alien Trailer
Plano’s personal Alan Tudyk has lengthy been a scene-stealer in the whole lot from Firefly to Rogue One, however he’s lastly landed his very personal showcase with Syfy’s new Resident Alien. The brand new sequence, debuting January 27, finds Tudyk placing his oddball charms to work as an extraterrestrial who’s been tasked with annihilating the human race—albeit very slowly. Somewhat than simply releasing a dying ray or, say, mutant virus, Tudyk’s alien bides his time posing as a small-town physician named Harry, who begins to query the ethics of his mission as he grows nearer to his neighbors and turns into embroiled in fixing an area homicide. The just lately launched trailer suggests the present can be equal elements Starman, Twin Peaks, and a kind of medical dramas about an off-putting, socially awkward genius that everybody simply places up with. And provided that it’s on Syfy, it’s possible destined to run for 4 seasons, minimal. Effectively-deserved congrats, Alan Tudyk!
Did Put up Malone Get a New Tattoo?
He didn’t—and as if to hammer residence simply how dry the effectively has been on Put up Malone tattoo information, the Grapevine rapper’s newest interview with Jimmy Kimmel was all concerning the tattoo he acquired approach again in September, after we had been so flush with updates about Put up Malone ink that it appeared like a superbly cheap, if fitfully amusing, concept to dedicate weekly column area to monitoring it. Anyway, Malone revealed that he acquired that now notorious tattoo on the dentist’s workplace, as a result of “I’m gonna be sitting round for hours doing nothing in any case, why not get two unhealthy issues out of the way in which on the similar time?” We additionally now know that the tattoo was of a “skeleton in metal armor.” Cool. Nice. Each of us will at all times have that, I assume.
Within the meantime, Malone took half in a special sort of questionable physique modification just lately, together with his latest model of Crocs selling out in document time to individuals who couldn’t wait to put on these, apparently, whereas additionally generously donating a pair of his signature black and scorching pink clogs to every student at his Grapevine High School alma mater. Malone’s charitable if doubtful deeds will proceed effectively into the brand new yr, as he’s now set to headline the Bud Light New Year’s Eve livestream for different housebound revelers, earlier than he heads into top billing on 2021’s Lollapalooza Stockholm in July alongside Pearl Jam, Kendrick Lamar, and Kacey Musgraves. It’s an optimistic reserving that gives both a glimmer of hope for stay music’s return or a grave miscalculation on the general effectiveness of vaccines—however not like sure markings Put up Malone appears to have given up on these days, they’ll at all times simply change it later.
This Week in Matthew McConaughey
It’s been a rocky couple of weeks for Matthew McConaughey and his burgeoning political profession, because the future governor continued to stump for his centrist utopia by repeating some speaking factors of the far proper, far proper, far proper. The controversy started with McConaughey’s current look on Russell Model’s podcast, the place the 2 decried the condescending, patronizing attitudes of Hollywood liberals and different members of the “far left.” It then continued with McConaughey’s interview on Good Morning Britain, the place the actor doubled down on his criticisms of all the “illiberals” and the “cancel culture” he believes are making it unimaginable for America to search out the sort of frequent floor he’s optimistic nonetheless exists. In fact, McConaughey didn’t maintain again on rebuking the “excessive proper” both: he asserted that they had been simply as responsible of disregarding everybody they don’t agree with, whereas additionally remaining “in denial” concerning the presidential election. Nonetheless, as you would possibly anticipate, there was actually solely one facet celebrating his comments—and it wasn’t as a result of they promoted a rational detente based mostly in mutual respect. Fortuitously for McConaughey, it was the facet that will be probably to elect him to something in Texas.
Maybe simply to maintain his timeline shifting proper alongside, this week McConaughey pivoted into one thing that everybody can get behind, no matter politics: doing an impression of Matthew McConaughey. Final week, the actor turned writer challenged followers to do a studying from his memoir, Greenlights, in that imitable McConaughey model. He then started sharing his favorites, interspersed with movies of his personal impersonation of Matthew McConaughey laughing genuinely.
Some of these mock Conaugheys had been, clearly, better than others. However as we shut out this column—arguably our most important assemblage but of weeks measured in Matthew McConaughey—the cumulative impact was one among that elusive unity he’s lengthy been preaching. Throughout the numbing din of 2020, someway it’s been Matthew McConaughey’s stoned rambling that’s minimize by way of with essentially the most readability. It’s solely becoming we finish the yr all talking it collectively.