This season seems set to be a doozy. We cop the usuals in our intro montage – “I’m 29”, man with questionable sleeve tattoo, single mum with recent lip filler. We observe our single mum first – her title is Sam, and he or she’s been by means of some shit. She’s received two little boys and tells us that she spent their adolescence shopping for furnishings from the tip as a result of she had $1.50 to her title. I’m instantly rooting for her, in fact – primarily as a result of she goes for THIS RSL-pour of champers:
She’s joined on the inaugural hen’s social gathering by Belinda, who tells us about 350 occasions that she’s 29 and has by no means had a boyfriend. I don’t assume there’s one display second of Belinda the place she doesn’t inform us she’s by no means had a relationship earlier than. Sam is totally blown away by this truth which is… bizarre? I do know heaps of people that haven’t been in relationships of their late 20s? Allow us to not decide the girl who has encountered each f*ckboy in Australia, okay?
Additionally, a second to acknowledge Belinda’s FANTASTIC hair.
Over on the buck’s social gathering, this flop arrives. I’ve pre-decided he’s a flop as a result of he marches in bellowing “WHERE’S MY WIIIIIFEEEE” and likewise has this pants/sneakers combo on. I can’t, guys. Is he Hugh Hefner?
His title is Bryce and he tells us he thought he’d be married by 30/31, however he… is 31 so I really feel such as you’re not reeeeally in dire straits but, my dude. Two different guys – one who seems like Justin Bieber and one who seems like a dodgy politician, enter.
Then we meet Patrick, who’s CLEARLY going to be the candy child angel all of us root for. He’s nervous and tells us he doesn’t get a lot consideration from girls. I’m already crying. We additionally meet Coco, this wild pilates trainer or one thing who says she’s psychic, and Belinda, the basic gal-next-door who simply needs infants and that’s all, please and thanks.
However then we meet THIS GUY.
I missed his title (there are a LOT of names, okay?) however my god, I’m not feeling good vibes. He tells us he attracts “weak individuals” after which their points overshadow his personal so he spends all his time serving to them and never himself??? I scent a egocentric prick, mates. It doesn’t assist that his montage is simply this:
And much more of this:
I imply. I simply foresee some actually poisonous behaviour however possibly I’ll be confirmed unsuitable!
Subsequent we meet Liss, who is nearly definitely the Connie of 2021. She’s nervous, she hates crowds and a focus, she one thouuuusand p.c ought to run for the hills and never take part on this present.
After that, the specialists arrive to run the events by means of what’s about to occur. It’s clear they’re all getting steadily trashed as a result of earlier than too lengthy, Coco and Sam are butting heads. Mainly, Sam tells everybody that her ex-husband was 33, and he or she was 17, after they received collectively. Coco is all “hmmmmm somebody name the cops” and Sam was off it solely. Not that we caught a drink-throwing incident but – they labored it out (sort of) in a heated chat, the place Coco apologised and Sam begrudgingly accepted her apology.
The primary couple to get paired up are Liss and Bryce. The specialists say they’ll be match as a result of Liss wants somebody assured who can help her, since she is a fragile flower. Far too delicate to be on a present like this with all these different individuals who will virtually undoubtedly rip her to shreds on the first ceremonial dinner, however what would I, a loyal viewer, find out about THAT.
The subsequent match? Jake, a former AFL star who left the game resulting from psychological well being battles, and now heads up a psychological well being charity, and Rebecca, this terrifying lady who appears to like the gymnasium and likewise loves leaving dates after 5 minutes if she’s “not feeling it”. She’s self-confessed sassy, in truth she calls herself a “sasshole”, which is “half sassy, half asshole”. I really feel like this might pattern quickly, to be sincere.
Nevertheless, the specialists say she truly has a weak facet, and so they really feel that this match will work as a result of Jake clearly is delicate to deeper stuff like, , emotions. I do want they’d used a non-serial-killer headshot of him, although.
The primary wedding ceremony we get is Liss (Melissa) and Bryce. Liss actually seems like she’s going to throw up throughout her very pouffy wedding ceremony gown on the best way to the ceremony.
Bryce, in the meantime, appears heaps calm and it appears to assist Melissa when she will get to the ceremony. She says she felt comfy as a result of he made eye contact together with her, and like on one hand, the bar is on the ground but additionally I used to be smiling the entire time? In order that they received me good.
The subsequent wedding ceremony is Jake and Rebecca. Issues don’t go as swimmingly as Melissa/Bryce’s ceremony. For starters, Rebecca looks like Jake was ripping her garments off together with his eyeballs as a substitute of being blown away by his immediate love for her. Frankly I’d be stoked if the man I used to be matched with thought I used to be sizzling as hell. He doesn’t even know you but, Rebecca! Give the person an opportunity!
Issues worsen. She doesn’t like that he’s left his shirt open to point out off his (questionable) chest tattoo. Their interactions are stilted and awkward. However their mates appear to really feel they’re match, so possibly they’ll heat up to one another?
Over at Bryce and Melissa’s reception, issues are going nice weapons – Melissa tells him she’s a Vans and black denims gal, not a flowery girl, and he’s into it. But it surely all goes a bit pear-shaped when she mentions it’s “been some time” since she was in a relationship. He naturally asks her how lengthy and he or she goes all confused and bizarre. Like, why did you deliver it up then Melissa! Simply don’t discuss it! Who cares how lengthy it’s been!
I used to be anticipating her to be like:
However ultimately she says 12 years, which is ages however actually, does it actually matter? BUT, then Bryce drops the bombshell to finish all bombshells. He was engaged… up till SIX MONTHS AGO.
Melissa’s face is all of our faces on this second.
She convenes together with her Aunt and bridesmaid, and is absolutely mature about it which was good to see. She tells them she will be able to’t be closed off and must preserve an open thoughts, each for her sake and his sake. Maturity?? On MAFS? It’s totally different however we like to see it!
Over to Bec and Jake, and issues are simply crashing right into a burning hellfire of crap, actually. Bec appears to be grilling Jake’s household, and so they then in a roundabout approach name her excessive upkeep. She naturally is pissed off, however was sort of being tremendous standoffish so I additionally don’t really feel just like the judgement was solely off from his fam, both.
Fortunately, her greatest good friend sits her down and primarily tells her to cease being a judgy bitch and begin giving Jake an opportunity, since she barely is aware of him. She appears to take this in as a result of later, they sit down after their reception and he or she sees a distinct facet to him. Right here’s hoping Bec can put her judgements apart… and likewise that Jake isn’t a stone-cold douche. Hey, if he’s I’m going to enlist Bec to make snap judgements on all my future relationships.
The love story comes from Melissa and Bryce, who’re completely besotted and share a kiss. PLEASE LAST AND FALL IN LOVE, GUYS. I want this.
Melissa Mason is the digital editor of marie claire. You could find her on Twitter and Instagram.
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