Have you ever ever observed how the females within the Kennedy household so typically appear to seek out absolutely the worst males to hook up with — mates who turn into mirror photos of the horrible, sleazy, philandering, domestic-abusing males the Kennedy ladies grew up with.
The newest instance of a typical Kennedy in-law is “embattled” New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo, who was married to Kerry Kennedy, certainly one of RFK’s daughters.
However Cuomo is just the latest in an extended line of cads, bounders and lowlifes who’ve bedded Kennedy gals — Peter Lawford, Steve Smith, Arnold Schwarzenegger, amongst others.
All of them had one factor in frequent: Whereas married to Kennedy ladies, they have been touching all the pieces however the third rail.
What was the attraction for these Kennedy ladies?
Have been they on the lookout for any individual like Pricey Outdated Dad, or Pricey Outdated Grand Dad, which means Joe Kennedy, who raped film starlets, and who as soon as jumped uninvited into mattress with certainly one of his sons’ girlfriends and grunted, “That is one thing you’re by no means going to overlook!”
Actually, Andrew Cuomo’s younger feminine staffers will always remember working for him.
Then again, possibly it was Cuomo’s glowing mind that first drew Kerry’s consideration to him. Right here is Cuomo’s evaluation Friday of the costs in opposition to him:
“Critical allegations needs to be weighed severely, proper? That’s why they’re known as severe.”
Critically, although, as Cuomo circles the drain, it appears odd that he’s been run out of workplace for conduct that, whereas boorish, isn’t felony, in contrast to what different distinguished Democrat politicians — say, Invoice Clinton and Joe Biden — have been accused of.
And his fellow Democrat politicians appear way more appalled by his crude Kennedy-esque come-ons than by the 15,000 useless within the state’s nursing houses and his subsequent cover-up to keep away from a federal felony investigation.
The Cuomo-Kennedy marriage broke up in 2002 after she took up with a trust-funded polo participant. However he appears to have been taking part in the sector as effectively, should you can consider the most recent New York journal story, which incorporates an anecdote about Randy Andy means again when approaching to an unnamed girl “a number of ft from the place his then-wife was standing.”
How very JFK-like!
On this newest scandal, Kerry Kennedy appears to be the one girl in Cuomo’s sordid life who has not been interviewed.
They’ve three twenty-something daughters, and it’s important to really feel sorry for these children — within the fashionable custom of the Lovely Folks, their dad and mom inflicted upon them each household surnames, parted within the center. Kennedy-Cuomo, or possibly it’s Cuomo-Kennedy.
No matter, that deadly hyphenated mixture provides as much as possible trigger to suspect the worst about them … about something.
Cuomo is surely a dreadful human being, however on the subject of unhealthy Kennedy in-laws, does he actually measure up?
Take Peter Lawford, as an example. Brother-in-Lawford, they known as him, married to Pat Kennedy.
Took medicine together with his son Chris and smoked weed on Air Power One. Lawford was an alcoholic, a drug addict, promiscuous, keen on menages a trois and prostitutes — and people have been his good factors.
He was JFK’s favourite brother-in-law, primarily as a result of he provided the president with an infinite stream of feminine companionship, shall we embrace.
By comparability, Arnold Schwarzenegger was a piker. Oh certain, he was each the governor of California and a serious film star. However what gave him gravitas within the Kennedy clan was that the household maid bore his youngster the identical month in 1997 that his spouse, Maria Kennedy Shriver, gave delivery to his respectable son.
Then there was Steve Smith, who married Jean Kennedy and abused her for the remainder of his life.
As Teddy put it at Smith’s funeral, “Steve was like a brother in our household.”
You understand, kinda like Tom Hagen was to the Corleones.
Smith was the fixer — he dealt with Chappaquiddick and later, the drug arrests, the OUI’s, the overturned Jeeps and the settlements, even the failed bar exams. It was Steve Smith who described one of many Kennedy children as struggling “an affliction just like drug habit.”
Compared, all Cuomo ever did was advise a girl younger sufficient to be his granddaughter to get a tattoo on her rear finish, so it might solely be seen by … effectively, you recognize.
It appears to be like like the top is close to for Gov. Cuomo, and he’s solely received one probability left to indicate that he absorbed a few of that trademark Kennedy panache.
Governor, could I counsel a correct solution to generate each sympathy to your plight and to supply an homage of types to your former in-laws?
When subsequent you seem in public, in all probability Monday, on the Ides of March, be sporting a bit one thing additional: Uncle Teddy’s neck brace from Chappaquiddick.
Some folks could not get it, however your former in-laws will. It’ll inform the world simply who you actually are.
It would even win you the coveted Profiles in Braveness award.
(To learn extra in regards to the Kennedy household’s scandals, purchase the books “Kennedy Babylon Vols. 1 and a couple of” at howiecarrshow.com.)